Week 2, Day 2

No changes...I hate food...I wish I never had to eat...I wish I was tiny and waif-looking.

Last night, I dreamed I was in the airport in Las Vegas. I was beautiful. Five or six boys were hanging out with me, and they were all flirting like mad. I would walk by a mirror as we all walked around, and I loved the way I looked.

I wish I could wake up in the morning and be skinny.

I wish I would never have fat on my body, because when you have fat hanging off you, everyone can see your insecurity sticking out all over you. Skinny is secure, fat is ugly, disgusting, horrifying.

I don't want to eat at all, because everytime I do, I want to keep eating and eating. It would be easier to completely starve, but I've never been able to. At my lowest weight, I ate one meal a day and didn't think about it the rest of the time.

Today I will see how many hours I can go until I have to eat. I will put it in my goal notebook, and then, every day I will try to increase it by one more hour.

So far, it is 3 1/2 hours. I have to go take my reading materials and get on the treadmill and try to get over that 2 mile hump, which is usually when I get tired and quit.

Ramble, ramble, blah, blah, blah. In my mind, I am pure spirit, floating in the air, needing nothing, self-contained. Now I need to make bring what is in my mind out, so that it manifests in the material world.

Here is to an empty, blissfull day. (I will look for some Thinsspo pics to add soon.)